And Now, a Word from Sam

Hello

Yes, I have been away. I am sorry, it's not my fault. Blame that pesky thing that mankind has invented. What was it called again? Oh yeah, the rat race. Sigh.

So, during the past several years I have been engaged in a mighty endeavor. However, I have decided that I am never going to solve this stupid Rubik cube - no matter how easy it is for my father-in-law and my brother - my mind just doesn't work that way, so I am giving it up. In exchange, Santa Clara University has granted me an doctorate in jurisprudence. That's right, I have a J.D. now.

The first question every one asks is: What's next. Answer: I donno. Dude, I just spent the last 22 years of my life engaged in scholarship. You think I KNOW how to look for a job? You gotta be kidding me right!

Let me tell you what I HAVE learned in the last few years:

1. Stupid citations (like, 12(b)(6)) are not just terms for vitamins. They can screw up your life.
2. Flabbergasted doesn't mean what you think it means. It's true meaning is "being appalled over how much weight you've gained." Also, Abdicate had nothing to do with a throne. Truly, it is the process of giving up any hope of ever having a flat stomach.
3. Money is the easiest thing to get in the world. All I had to do was fill out a FAFSA, file a tax return, provide my identity, sign my life away, enroll in a graduate program (the more the better), promise under penalty of death by paper cuts salved in citric acid that I will repay every penny plus some outrageous thing called "interest" and pretend I am interested in ever working for myself... wait. shoot.
4. Law School Tests are like natural disasters. You think you are ready for them until they hit you... with a brick... propelled at 60 miles an hour ... by an angry storm of cats ... on roller blades.
5. Staying up all night, three nights in a row to finish a paper on the legal permutations of executive compensation might seem like a good idea at the time - you might even put enough words on the paper to make it look like it is finished. You won't figure out until several days later that the last 6 pages of the paper read like this: "And that is combined by the totality of funny buggers in corporate halls of the city hall, also known as Bug Palace Supreme." I wonder how I still got a good grade in that class...

If you are lucky, I might give you some more tidbits of knowledge I gleamed from law school later...

But then I will bill you for it.